The call this morning from one of my dearest friends about the much
deserved impending success with her first (yes, first!) book has sent me
spiraling into a funk of introspection. While not yet reaching a definitive
conclusion, I do realize I have arrived at the crossroads where Put Up or Shut
Up Street meets Nope, Just a Wannabe Boulevard.
Like so many people, I want to be a writer. I even go so far as to
call myself a writer in several profile descriptions on social media even
though I have yet to professionally publish anything. I have the dream but have
come to realize that’s the easy part. Writing is art; it is craft; writing is
WORK. Writing is work that goes far
beyond developing story and character. Right now, after finishing a final edit
of my first book the writing almost
appears to be the easiest part.
Now, I must find a publisher. Not just any publisher but the
publisher I feel will be the right fit for my book. There are query letters to
write and a synopsis. I must sell myself and the product I have poured my heart
into for months to someone who is flooded with these types of inquires every
day from other writers who believe in their story just as much as I believe in
mine. Somehow, I need to present my book more cleverly, more adroitly than the
last query letter the editor read or any of the hundreds she will read after
mine. But, something is stopping me from
taking this next step and I cannot determine what it is.
Yes, of course I don’t want to be turned down, turned away, refused
for publication but it is only a rejection letter and there are thousands of
stories of famous books which were repeatedly turned down before finding the
right publisher. Time is a factor right now. I have a week before I undertake
another very significant journey, this one academic. Am I afraid I cannot devote the time I need
to realize success in both of these endeavors? Maybe. I feel though, there is
something else looming, a larger shadow over all of this that is keeping me
from writing that synopsis or starting a query letter. It could be fear of
failure, certainly but maybe the bigger fear is I really am just an imposter.
