Direction(less)

Reluctant to unwrap my hands from the steaming cuppa they were clenching; gray, misty, cold in Portland this afternoon which is not unusual except the cold feels as if it has changed from a brisk Fall crispness to the hint of a bone chilling Winter waiting just around the next sunrise. I have been struggling with both direction and directionless intent in my writing this week. Its presenting itself in writing papers academically as well as everything of a fiction nature. The direction is there, somewhere, hiding in the recesses of my increasing befuddled mind but its so difficult to put it into words on a paper or screen. Even worse, when the words finally present themselves they go either no where or everywhere. Isn't there a road map somewhere? The short story class I am taking has been reading Raymond Carver. His dialogue is effortless and organic; as a reader you are a silent participant in the conversations taking place. From the biographical reading, it is clear he worked very hard to achieve this easy, natural voice. But, its also clear he had a natural gift which he coaxed and nurtured. His stories are not complicated and the characters he creates are people we have all known. I wonder if he ever felt he had words he could not direct to the end he wanted to achieve?Well, at least I have words that want to go somewhere, I guess as opposed to having no words looking for a road map. Direction and directionless; a curse and gift all at the same.

Beginning

Starting, awakening, commencing, initiating! This is my inaugural post of my blog To Signify. Why? Why am I blogging? I am in transition right now and this blog is a part of my transformation process. I am a struggling author. I have ideas which erupt and spew forth in abbreviated barely coherent form at inception and remain in this neglected state as I have no time to revisit them. Why? I am a full time student (can anyone say mid-life crisis) and by the end of Spring 2012 will graduate with a BA in English and a minor in Writing. My current term is overwhelming with exhaustive reading on theory, criticism and aesthetics. (My head hurts) I am also in an American Short Story class, which I am loving because I hope to write (and publish of course) short stories, in addition to other forms of fiction.

What will be addressed here? Everything, I hope. Updates on writing or classes; cultural , social or political commentary; random thoughts on what transpires as the World moves from point A to point B! This blog is a leap of faith into the abyss of what I hope to become as well as a reflection of what in my life has brought me to the place I am now.

This all leads me to explain the name of the blog: To Signify. This name was chosen for two reasons. First,it is a term popular in Regency era fiction, which I love to read and hope to write.

Second, and equally as important To Signify means to be significant, make a difference , warrant consideration, matter, count: and that's the best one can hope for in life!